The Descent Of Manfred – Update: The Start Of The Everyday (Relatively Speaking!) Version

As you may know I have a number of other blogs, one of which is entitled The Descent Of Manfred and is a mix of surreal painting I create and exhibit under the name of Manfred Wing (or just Wing) and an evolving surreal story.  The story started off strange and satirical but developed into strange and supernatural.

I wasn’t happy with this mix of styles and I have separated the early entries into supernatural and just plain daft versions.  The blog will now continue along its out of this world path.  However for reference I am posting the two beginnings here:

The Descent Of Manfred – Simple Version

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Woke up with a Viking Helmet on my head – that must have been some party! I was just going to discover America before Columbus when my girlfriend told me to clean the rabbit out.

Not sure what to do with the 100 foot Viking longboat that appeared in the garden overnight. I have given it a lot of thought but I still think it will be too big for a patio container.

The girlfriend wants to know why I only laid half a lawn – because I only ordered half the turf doesn’t appear to be an adequate explanation. Nor will she accept that we only have to do half the mowing. With some reluctance I feel I might have to address this issue.

I solved the half a lawn problem by moving our neighbour’s fence. Unfortunately he was painting it at the time – However I am making good progress cleaning the imitation Western Red Cedar paint off my spectacles.

Turned the longboat into a very nice garden room by the way – its a pity about the oar holes in the roof though.

I knew it! The girlfriend is mad with me again. My suspicions were first aroused when I came home and found my signed Spiderman T-Shirt cut into little pieces. She then set my favourite pair of Smiley Face leisure pants on fire! This was distressing enough but my dismay was heightened when I realised I was still wearing them.

I’m in hospital after my leisure pants caught fire. I must admit I am feeling depressed. The white ointment isn’t working (even though it is arranged in a noughts and crosses pattern), nor are the cherries on cocktail sticks up my backside.

But why do the staff have to photograph everything!

Back home again. My girlfriend left a note: understandably she is very upset over my predicament and is consoling herself with a date with the local rugby team – I am not sure if that is one with thirteen or fifteen players. Oh well tomorrow is another day.

Went outside to compost my tea bag, looked up after hearing very strange noises and saw ten or eleven chimpanzees standing on our roof. They kept flicking something down onto my head – I am hoping it was just moss off the tiles. I phoned the council but they didn’t seem that interested.

Now we have antelope on the lawn; told the girlfriend it will save us having to mow it. I changed my mind when they started eating the washing on the line. I ran out waving my arms in the air but then fell into the hole where the garden pond will be – I still can’t understand why the girlfriend insisted it should be six foot deep.

This will teach me for not finishing a job once I have started it.

This is strange: while waiting in a six foot deep hole in the back garden for the girlfriend to hand down a ladder – she said she had to finish the hoovering first – I saw some eyes peering out from under the shed. After a while I noticed several more.

When she had finally arrived four or five hours later – she always does a thorough job of the hoovering – I had counted thirty one! I am not sure why there was an odd number.

Things are getting stranger! I have now seen pairs of peering eyes behind the settee, under our wardrobe and through the crack in the wall I made when doing my Samson impression. I think it must be some of my girlfriend’s family although she hasn’t mentioned they were staying.

More expense! Last week the girlfriend put her foot through the television screen while practising her line dancing and this week the washing machine breaks. I am vigorously denying any suggestions that I was the cause even though I was using it at the time to mix concrete for the crazy paving.

Boring day! I had to bury the washing machine in the morning and then I spent the entire afternoon hanging from the first floor bedroom windowsill. I was cleaning the glass when our neighbour borrowed the ladder – this did strike me at the time as a bit inconsiderate. Luckily my girlfriend came home and got me down by hitting my fingers with a lump hammer.

Back in hospital again! Looking on the positive side I plan to decorate my new crutches with pictures, along the lines of Trajan’s Column – making sure to leave a space at the bottom as my girlfriend wants to kick them from under me when she gets annoyed. I try to support her hobbies and interests.

This is very strange again. For several days now there has been a hand outside the bedroom window resting on the sill. I first noticed it when I came home early from work last week. Unfortunately, I cannot see if there is an arm attached because of the climber on the wall. One good thing though, it has reminded me to cut the Virginia Creeper back.

I’ve had a busy day. My girlfriend locked me in the cellar first thing in the morning and it took me all day to dig myself out. I have found out what makes those strange shuffling noises in the night though.

I have seen those hands on the window sill again! This time they were three big hairy ones plus three hairy arms coming out of the climber. I immediately ran downstairs and looked up but only saw one pair of legs – this doesn’t add up.

I thought about opening the window and pulling him in but then I thought perhaps he wanted to be left alone. I was just wondering if he would mind if I asked him to clean the glass when I heard a crash – I can’t think what it could have been.

Something odd to report today. I came home earlier than usual and discovered a man sat on the settee with my girlfriend. He said he was the vicar which I thought perfectly plausible although not really explaining why he didn’t have any clothes on. Now I come to think about it, nor did my girlfriend (although she often doesn’t have when I find her with strange men). I was about to enquire further when I saw a young woman at the window beckoning me to come outside.

I came home early again and found the girlfriend with another man (I really must make an effort to come home later!). This time they were naked in our double bed (she said only to keep warm – I did say that perhaps she wouldn’t have got cold if she hadn’t taken all her clothes off – apparently she can’t help herself).

He said he was the gamekeeper which I thought a bit odd as the only game my girlfriend and I play is scrabble.

A bit of excitement today as a young lad accidentally drove his car into our downstairs bathroom. He had to be rushed to hospital badly injured – he wasn’t hurt in the crash but unfortunately the girlfriend was in the bath at the time. I tried to make him feel better by saying she had got much more angry with me in the past but I don’t think he was fully conscious.

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About Gerald Shepherd

Gerald Shepherd is a painter, graphic artist, sculptor, digital/multimedia artist, photographer, writer, curator and arts administrator. He has also been involved with science art, performance art, conceptual art, installations and environments (as well as peripheral creative pursuits such as garden design).
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7 Responses to The Descent Of Manfred – Update: The Start Of The Everyday (Relatively Speaking!) Version

  1. Brian Hughes says:

    The ghost of Les Dawson lives on.

    • Ha ha, yes I quite liked his approach to life; sadly my mother-in-law has passed away! This actualy started life as a spoof Facebook profile – before it got supernatural that is! – but then I discovered they took a dim view of this sort of thing so I moved it to WordPress.

      • Brian Hughes says:

        Facebook’s dreadful. WordPress seems to be full of creative folk. Facebook’s where the dull exchange platitudes.

      • You are probably right. Although it is handy for keeping in touch with family etc. – not sure what this says of my family of course!

      • Brian Hughes says:

        That’s the only reason I’ve kept my account open, to be honest. Beyond that it’s a vacuous wasteland. Well…my bit of it was at least. This might say more about me than Facebook.

      • I tend to confirm as friends people I know from other sites I use – such as WordPress and Pictify – who, by and large, tend to be writers and artists (mainly the latter as Pictify is the only site with all my Facebook details). Increasingly I am discovering art opportunities as well as the normal exchange of information (and platitudes!) through these friends so overall I think I am probably fairly positive about Facebook. That said my Facebook account was hacked into last week!

        I would be happy to meet you on Facebook at some time.

      • Brian Hughes says:

        I don’t post much on Facebook these days, but I do stop drop round for a natter with some old acquaintances. If you want to look me up, hopefully, this should be the place: https://www.facebook.com/wyrearchaeology

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